Surviving the Unsurvivable: First Aid for Zombie and Mummy Bites

Surviving the Unsurvivable: First Aid for Zombie and Mummy Bites

Welcome to a bizarre world where zombies roam the streets, and mummies rise from their slumber to nibble on unsuspecting victims. You might be wondering how you ended up in this horror flick, but fret not, because we're here to guide you through the absurdities of first aid for these unlikely scenarios.

First Aid for Zombie Bites

Step 1: Stay Calm

In the face of a zombie apocalypse, your first instinct may be to scream, but that won't help. Stay calm, and remember, zombies are slow (usually), so you can outwit them.

Step 2: Identify the Bite

Determine if the bite is a genuine zombie bite or just a paper cut from all the chaos. If it's a zombie bite, brace yourself for some ghastly side effects.

Step 3: Apply Disinfectant

Clean the bite wound with a disinfectant. Alcohol or hydrogen peroxide will do the trick, but feel free to use your favorite hand sanitizer – if it's the end of the world, you might as well go out smelling fresh.

Step 4: Apply a Comically Large Band-Aid

Cover the zombie bite with the largest, most obnoxiously oversized band-aid you can find. Zombies will be too busy laughing to feast on your brains.

Step 5: Secure Your Limbs

To prevent further zombie bites, secure your limbs with duct tape. If you're going for the "mummy" look, you're nailing it!

First Aid for Mummy Bites

Step 1: Laugh Hysterically

Mummies coming to life and biting you? Seriously? You must be delirious from all that sand and bandages. Have a good laugh and calm down.

Step 2: Unwrap the Mummy's Kiss

If you find a mummy attached to your arm, simply unroll it like a toilet paper roll. A mummy's bandages can be quite handy for your next costume party.

Step 3: Apply a Punny Band-Aid

Mummy bites call for a different kind of bandage – one with puns. Slap on a band-aid that says, "I've been mauled by a mummy and all I got was this lousy band-aid."

Step 4: Brew a Pot of Tea

Mummies are basically ancient, desiccated zombies. So, make yourself a cup of tea and sip it while you ponder the absurdity of your situation.

Step 5: Continue with Your Day

Mummy bites are like paper cuts in the grand scheme of things. You can go on with your day, just a little more wrapped up than usual.

Remember, this blog post is purely for humor and entertainment. In real-life situations, please prioritize your safety and follow standard first aid procedures for any wounds. Zombie and mummy encounters, while great for laughs, are best left to the movies.

Stay safe, keep your brains intact, and always have a roll of punny band-aids at the ready – you never know when you might need them!

(Note: In the real world, please treat all injuries with seriousness and seek medical attention as necessary.)

Disclaimer: Zombies and mummies are fictional creatures and do not exist in reality.

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